It's been a while, and it's time I released a full bodied post containing my experience and thoughts.

This post will consist of several stories.



Explosives

I've been on a missile course. I learnt various unimportant stuff like how far the missile flies, what angle I should stay away from the back blast and... Stuff like that.

It just wasn't important to me because after all, I'm a driver. All that mattered was I overcame the course (which I did), and stay out of trouble. I succeeded in both, and I rejoiced as I thought that my ordeal for courses was over.

Little did I know that back in HQ, my name was chosen for yet another course, this time a grenade launching course. Fuck.



The Engagement Issue

It was nearing the end of the missile course that this problem came up.

My mother (dear lady that she is) intended for me to be engaged to my girlfriend in the next year.

Now, engagements (just my assumption) mainly involve the couple that is... Getting engaged. This means that the engagement's main stars are the couple themselves, and the calefare (not the best of words to use) are the people around them.

This wasn't so for my case.

My mother discussed with her sister in law; briefly informed my girlfriend; took my girlfriend's brother to a corner and discussed with him about the engagement...

But never told me a single word about this.

Yes, engagements are meant to be a happy event, where boyfriends/girlfriends become fiancées or fiancés (I have no idea what fiancée means anyway, seems like a floral term to me).

Prior to my confrontation/questioning of my parents, I had an exhausting day already, involuntarily carrying 40kg worth of missiles on my back and running 600m, while you discussed my future with other people without talking to me about it.

I finally had to ask you quite nicely: "What's going on?", before I got a vague answer of "Me and Dad were planning to get you and Sally engaged".

Really, which sane person would have leaped and punched the air in joy instead of retorting "What the fuck? You're discussing my future with other people instead of with me?". Well I didn't punch the air in joy, but I did retort back "you're discussing this without telling me anything?". I asked a few more questions that I've forgotten about, and they didn't seem too happy with my reaction.


Well, the backlash of my questioning was...


My mother decided to cancel the idea of the engagement just 3 days after, and again without telling me anything.


Really. This engagement thing was like a Final Year Project.

I had to dig so hard for information to get the whole picture and understand it, just for me to work on it, present it, then get shot down by the teachers (in this case, my mother), and then get the whole project thrown away in a short span of time.

The heartbreaking moment came for me, when I had to apologize to my mother for asking her about what they were thinking about regarding this engagement. I just don't get it. I had to apologize to them because they decided to discuss with everyone except me, AND because I didn't put up a happy show for her.


I apologized, put on a sad puppy face, and took the lecturing with silence. Yes, I put up a show at the end just to please her. It pained me physically to do so but... I did what was necessary to maintain peace and stay out of trouble.

I can only hope that the peace is maintained, and that I don't have to go through this again.



Monetary Issues

The engagement issue woke up a nagging part of me.

"Save money Ben, you really need it for your future"

But the other nagging part that frequently came up was...

"Fuck Ben, you're already putting $50 aside per month, by the end of 1 year added in with your old savings, you'll have $2000 at least in your savings account, just spend the rest of your NS allowance to relax and De-stress"


Indeed, if I scrimp and save as much as I can now, I can throw a bigger, more bad-ass party for my wedding, and still have enough for a house. I need to keep this in mind more often. I need to get my own home fill it up with furniture and love, and still have some savings to maintain it.

I need to save.

Aye.


Maturity

My final issue finally isn't a physical problem, but more of a mental problem. I feel my maturity degenerating into that of a 15 year old's. All I'm focusing on now is fun, enjoying, pushing problems away and well, doing the wrong things.

I should instead, be focusing on getting a head-start in my education so I can start earning money the moment I can escape my bond to the army.

I should be researching more on what I should study next time; on what my future job requires me to know; on which estate would be the best to purchase a house...

Instead, all I'm doing is just living each day as it comes without planning for the future.

This has to stop.


But it's just the only time in my life where I can fully enjoy :(