Lol I wasn't even angry, just trying to prove my point, and then YOU got angry.

Ah well glad it's over xD


Tonight is Monday, I will be doing the reports tomorrow. I cannot afford any petty squabbles or distractions.

I will therefore be putting great emphasis on phrasing my words to not sound aggresive.

I need to sleep, this cough medicine is getting to my head @_@

Believe me, I'm trying as much as I can to spend my time with you, even though I need my own time, or time with my friends.

Once this project is over, I can focus more on my you, my future studies/certificates and... GAMES :D

We should be happy and glad that it's our major projects are coming to an end (at least mine is, while yours is done)

I'll put in my 110% effort from Monday to Sunday next week, to ensure that I don't have to extend my project duration.


I am sorry.



Progress report:

RAM, Hard Disk and CPU are working for Microsoft and Unix.

I will be focusing on Cisco now, while leaving the rest of the cleaning up to my groupmates. At least they will have a solid, clean base to work upon, while I venture into new grounds.

Progress report: I'm in a mess. I have one major part left to do, but here I am trying to add more things, and re-do the massive amounts of codes, so that it'll work for every single operating system... Sigh I need to reorganise myself and my mind.

Things are falling into place, with 1 major part of mine left (tracking Cisco Routers/Switches), and tracking 100 devices at one time.

This isn't going to be a good Christmas, I can feel it in the core of my bones. I most probably will skip Christmas gatherings and parties, while my groupmates will go out and celebrate (although they don't belong to the Christian faith).

It's not something I relish, and it boils my blood, but if I make this sacrifice, I can only hope that they learn from me, and put in more effort for this project.



If Christmas is sacrificed, this will be the 3rd time that I sacrificed holidays for C# programming.

I detest spending holidays cooped up at home. The feeling it gives me, it's so... Cold and.. disgusting. I hate the feeling.

I spent Hari Raya Haji with a malay fatso doing coding.

I spent New Year's Eve and New Year's Day at home doing coding.

I hate poly life, regardless of what people say.

"It's the funnest years of your life :):):)"

Well BALLS to that.

I Wanna Live a Dream In My Record Machine.

Weeeeeee goodnight!

Hungry hungry

This was a little something I thought up one night while I was cold and desolate (for no reason).

Despair holds your hand tonight,
What will you do without a light?
To stay awake and try to fight,
Or better yet, stand up, take flight?

Just a random, dark rhyme that served no purpose but to make me brood longer before sleeping.


Mundane post that contains nothing much, except random words typed by a hungry boy who's programming at this hour :(


Current Situation: I am about... 3/5 done. There are only 10 weekdays left. If my team does not buck up; pull up their socks; wake up and progress, then we are almightily screwed.

I want to show a polished program that processes quickly. I want to show that my effort was worth it, that the lack of sleep daily was worth it. I want to show that I can lead 2 other programmers: One, a slacker, one, my past enemy; and still perform well.

It's something that's.. Uh.. Like.. I don't know how to explain it. I'm sort of taking this project personally, like it's my flesh and blood. I need to prove that it's good.

That I'm Good.

Current situation: 14 days left, no progress.

I need to start working harder, I need to work harder, I need my brain-wave again.

:(

Mundane

15 days left, I feel so screwed. I can only track Windows stuff now, and it's just not enough.

My groupmates realized that they just weren't progressing too late. There's not enough time now, I will most probably have to extend.

Then again, I was already feeling that during the first 5 weeks, what more despair can arise? I am prepared for it. After all, it's only 2 more weeks.

2 more weeks of sleeping 6 hours or less.

It's not a physical torture, more a of self induced mental torture so that I can squeeze every last single cell of though and imaginationi.

If you are reading this, don't take it too seriously. I am just typing whatever comes to mind, even if it sounds grim and dreary.


After all, I still have hope that I can pull through this. I still believe that once I shake off the invisible shackles holding down my mind and body, I can progress 2 times faster than now. I believe I can, and I will.

hahahohohehehoho

I cannot slack, I cannot slack, I cannot slack, I must not slack, I cannot stop the engine again, facing writer's block for a few days has made me panicky as hell already.

This is the end of Week 6. Week 7 begins on Monday next week. I cannot afford the slack. I have to finish this project with a gleam of polish by week 9. I have no more time to slack.

Someone help me :(

Well my Interim Presentation is over, and it was pretty lackluster.

Evaluator: "Mm ok ok thanks"
Supervisor: "Good job".

Well considering that my GUI is plain and boring, I wasn't disappointed, but rather relieved.

However, I can't rest on my laurels, and I can't let my "engine" stop again.

But I just want to load more work on my groupmates and not suffer 6-less hours of sleep per day :(

I'm so tired, so very tired, I wish to take time off, but the project and group will collapse without me.

I have never worked this hard in my whole life before, sleeping 6 hours per day, giving up games too, just for what?

In the end, I will be humiliated, spitted at, shot questions that will make me tremble.

There is no... Reward at the end, just a bleak ending, then a slight chance at freedom.

Even so, after this project, I might be assigned out to another company again, which would spell the end of my plans and freedom.


Interesting point to note: The Project Manager won't get involved in programming, unless it's a really tiny project group. My role is a Project Manager and Programmer.

Spinning thoughts sigh, so tired, so very tired.

My engine is running, I can't stop, I cannot stop, I have no time to stop or time to play.

Well, I STILL have time to play :D

Heh nothing much to blog about. I just am posting this up as a reminder to myself when I read my old posts, THAT MY ENGINE MUST NOT STOP RUNNING.



Status report:

Hard Disk, RAM and CPU can be tracked now, but CPU's tracking still hasn't been implemented.

I feel like I'm suffering from Writer's Block. Each time I look at my codes, my whole head goes blank.

Each time I attempt to type new things, they all don't make sense, and my whole train of thought is derailed and my mind crashes.

So to overcome this problem, I am taking advice from some guides online, by noting down what I'm supposed to do to refresh my memory and to keep track of my ideas and progress.


I am attempting to create a Network Monitoring System.

It will track the performance of hardware in a network. It will track the CPU Usage, Hard Disk Usage and RAM Usage of each Windows/Linux PC/Server, as well as Cisco Routers/Switches.

RAM Usage has been solved. I am fully able to track Windows 7 and XP's RAM Usage. It is still untested on Windows Vista.

Hard Disk has been partially fixed. I am able to get a list of drives (C:, D:, A:) from Windows XP, but for some reason, it doesn't work on Windows 7.
Also, I need to be able to compile a list of the drives, then query each of them for their space left.

CPU is a large problem, one which will take a few days at least to work out. Apparantly, the CPU's position can be changed anytime, meaning that the OID can be changed. I feel this is untrue, but I have to see what I can do about it.

My current task is Hard Disk. I have to dynamically track which OIDs belong to which Hard Disk. It is currently messing up.

My next task is dynamically tracking which OIDs belong to which CPU, then track each core's performance per minute.


Just got some advice from me dad. His punchline: "Be creative. Slap, and make them thank you". Sigh.

It's alright, don't be afraid,
You gotta keep dreaming in the bed you made in,
If it tastes like shit well,
It beats sleeping rough on the floor!


It's gonna be week 5, supposed to be interim (something?) but it's supposedly supposed to be pushed back to week 6.

I am inclined to think that things won't go smoothly, and that the interim (something?) will be done this week.

Which means I'm screwededededed.



I don't want to spend my nights staring and doing codes... Can't they have breakthroughs like mine? I mean, why can't THEY have the breakthroughs?

The burden of "leadership" is a tough one indeed.

Why can't they have the brain waves? :(

I'm afraid I've become a workaholic.

Right now, I've "taken the night off", but my heart is still super anxious. I'm still getting the urge to do some work even though I'm absolutely exhausted.

I am brain dead, I am physically drained, but my heart is still anxiously pumping and telling my body "do work, do work". The adrenaline is still pumping through me, and if this keeps up, I'll soon collapse out of lack of energy and rest.

:/


Progress report:

I was able to list out the PC's disk drives (C:, D:, E:), but I've lost the code :(.

I am now able to view any PC's RAM, and tomorrow, I will extend it to Hard Disk, and over the weekend, CPU Usage.

Someone stop the adrenaline please, it's really tiring me out :(

Sigh.


Picture this.

You're loaded down with the stress of your final year project.

There's an interim presentation next week. If you show a shitty program, you're going to be downtrodden. Morale will drop, and the teachers will simply say "hah never do work right!", When in actual fact, you spent so many hours just pouring over books and websites for hints to guide you to succeed.

Your boy/girlfriend is slotted in a group of all females/males (respectively) who sits some distance away from you.

Your mother just came back from a 5 day/ 4 night cruise, and the first thing she does upon seeing you is explode at you because "the altar wasn't lighted" (I'm a Catholic, I don't need candles and sticks to burn for God.)



I mean, why yell at me just because of candles? Why? Because the statue of what we're supposed to feel in our heart and soul is cold? Because statues are more important than your son?

That's the feeling I always get when she nags/yells at me about the stupid candle. It's just a candle for heaven's sake. If it's not lighted for an hour, does this mean the apocalypse is here? Does this mean we're going to hell for an hour?



My main complaint, and question of contemplation is:

Is it worth yelling at your grown son, one whom has shown care for you, one whom has done his best not to make any mistake, one whom is under so much stress now;

Is it worth yelling at him over a candle?


Progress report:

Hard Disk, RAM and CPU usage can all be tracked now. However, my major problem now is to find out how to specifically find out which "OID" is the right one, because the "OID" is different for every single computer sigh.

Then, I have to find out how to allow a user to track a range of computers at one go.

Sigh.

You've got to understand, I cannot depend on them. I want to rush hard these few weeks so that I can have a smoother time over the final weeks.

I don't want to be burnt out and worried about your work and mine, but I have no choice. Better that I build up a rock solid project, and hand over the minor details to them when I'm burnt out, than to slack now, and be burnt out later on.

I am sacrificing everything I've got on me to make this work, because I cannot rely on them. No more games, less sleep, less communication with everyone.

I need to make this work out. It's the fear of failing. We all are worried. I am just more worried than everyone else. Because I know deep inside, I am the pillar. If I fail, we're screwed, and I cannot take the failure.



I don't want to fail or extend. I want to pick up my life, my grades, and create an application that will "WOW" everyone. It will be unexpected and glorifying. It sounds dramatic, but I want this to happen.

I want people to look up to me, no longer as "the guy who jokes all the time about shit and dirty stuff", but as "woah this guy is damned good! An amazing application came from him?! Unexpected! (oh and he jokes about shit and dirty stuff too!)"


Progress report:

I am able to get anyone's hard disk and RAM usage now. The remaining problem is...

1) Sometimes, computers have E: instead of D:. Some computers even have A:. Major problem.
2) CPU Usage is very unstable. Medium Problem.

Sigh...

Crazycrazycrazycrazycrazyinsaneinsaneinsaneinsane toomuchworkonme :(


That's the problem with me. I always keep the work to myself because I get this feeling that if I hand the work to someone else, I'll get less than satisfactory results, and end up doing everything on my own instead.

Might as well load the work up on me and get something nice and flashy, instead of going through the frustration of "this just isn't good enough" amirite?

The backlash is that I get loaded down with stress, frustration and when my "thought engine" starts running, I just want to run to a computer and start carrying out my ideas. This has adverse effects on my relationships around. ._.



Self Progress report:

User Interface is up, functioning and looks good. It can be better.

I am fully able to locate local hardware information and performance numbers, but I am still unable to get actual RAM, Hard Disk Space and CPU Usage.

._.

Chapter 1:

Issues and Tissues.

Lawl

There is a storm brewing in the depths of a pit.

Dark and looming it is, but I can never place my finger upon it's origin.

I cannot stop it.

It is as.. invisible to me.

It is in front of me, but I cannot see it. Not because I'm blind, but I am unfocused.

I cannot stop it.



Or maybe I'm just hungry, and frustrated over the lack of knowledge/progress of my Final Year Project.

I am sorely eager to spend my whole time doing walls of codes and testing now, but I just am too lazy; I still feel that I have lots of time when in actual fact, I simply don't!

I have 1 week and 1 day now till I have to present a prototype, and I will update this blog over the next few days of my progress to remind myself of what I've managed to do.



The stress and pressure I'm putting on myself is taking it's toll on me, but I cannot remove it until my work is done.