Its 4.45am, I felt like I was going insane. I need an outlet, I need someone to talk to.

I rejected a job offer. Good pay, good prospects but it was slightly far with early reporting times. That's been my only job offer so far.

No one is replying my job applications, it is already a huge blow to my self confidence. I feel like I can't apply for sales jobs because my face is riddled with pimples. I can't apply for IT jobs because I'm not skilled enough, nor confident enough in my ability.

I want to upgrade my skills through IT courses, but my mother, who is holding the money in the family, says its ridiculous for me to study because i should have done so during my poly days.

My second brother, who sucked up all my family's money (and is still taking more), doesn't give a damn about my family and its monetary straits, and even dares to demand money from my mother so he can buy gifts for his friends.

I cannot ask my father for help, because he's paying for my brother's monetary vacuum. He's so stressed and tired but he can't sleep due to my mother's insanity.

My self confidence is almost at a zero already. What can I do? What should I do? I failed already. I failed to predict this would happen. My preperations went awry.

I know life has Ups and downs. This must be one of the lowest points in my life. My chest scar hurts and is swelling, my face is riddled with pimples and I'm unemployed and not allowed to study.

And the final salt to the wound is, 12 drivers out of 16 have been given their dates to collect their driving license. I am one of the unlucky 4 still kept in the dark. Really, really down and out sigh.