11/5/2012, 12.20am..
The song sort of fits what I'm feeling right now.
Yes, I should have done what was right. I should have struck the problem where it was and made a stand. I could have protected someone from even experiencing this... Sick and twisted joke. It was just a joke gone too far, and I will remember this event for life.
I am deeply affected by this event because:
1) I was a part of it,
2) I did nothing to stop it,
3) I might even have encouraged it,
4) The person affected by it had trust in me.
Damn.
Sunday, 4 March 2012
In the beginning of March, my parents decided to discus money with me. About time too.
fast forward to now, the end of March. I feel my life is in turmoil. I always prided myself on having plans in every step or minor action in my life. But now? I'm frozen in indecision.
Troy was eventually invaded, even the largest and thickest of walls are either knocked down or circumvented.
People around me are applying for uni, but me? Still writhing in indecision as to what to study. IT? Psychology?
Each time someone asks me what I'm doing after I ORD, I get the feeling of dread first, before replying "um yeah work first then study". It then leads to "oh study what?"
That's where I break into full panic mode and reply "oh um psychology or IT yeah". That's where I get the most hated reply of people telling me to go IT. It's a thinly veiled slap to the face.
Its like saying i have zero people skills and should go face computers since they don't require communication skills.
Argh. I really hate being stuck in this position. I need to get my planning machine back into my head and carefully consider each and every step, every day, every second.
I need to be decisive again...
fast forward to now, the end of March. I feel my life is in turmoil. I always prided myself on having plans in every step or minor action in my life. But now? I'm frozen in indecision.
Troy was eventually invaded, even the largest and thickest of walls are either knocked down or circumvented.
People around me are applying for uni, but me? Still writhing in indecision as to what to study. IT? Psychology?
Each time someone asks me what I'm doing after I ORD, I get the feeling of dread first, before replying "um yeah work first then study". It then leads to "oh study what?"
That's where I break into full panic mode and reply "oh um psychology or IT yeah". That's where I get the most hated reply of people telling me to go IT. It's a thinly veiled slap to the face.
Its like saying i have zero people skills and should go face computers since they don't require communication skills.
Argh. I really hate being stuck in this position. I need to get my planning machine back into my head and carefully consider each and every step, every day, every second.
I need to be decisive again...
Saturday, 11 February 2012
February 11/2/2012, 1.42am...
I can't sleep! And I can only blame the Caramel Frappucino that I bought earlier! No it's not my fault it's the coffee blame it all on the coffee.
This is IU's song, Last Fantasy. Her whole album revolves around the fact that she's a young person about to enter her adulthood, and that this is her "last fantasy" before she enters the real world.
The song starts off with the sound of hope and a tinge of uncertainty, before waxing into it's fully fledged lyrics. It finally evolves into a trumpet fanfare and a glorious ending. This song evokes the feeling of hope, fears and uncertainty in me. Am I doing what's right? Am I going on a path of self destruction? Does the future look brilliant from a distance, but desolate and dystopian up close?
Right now, I feel like I have several roads in front of me. I have 4km (months) left to walk and decide which road I have to take.
My mother has her worries that my bad temper will stop me from being a good counsellor/psychologist next time. She might as well worry that my bad temper prevents me from doing anything good at all. But it does make me reflect again. I've been abusing my self perceived role as a "leader amongst the other drivers" and scolding people whenever I feel like it. I detested a fellow campmate for doing this, and in turn, I am sinking down to his level. This cannot continue. I must change.
Well I'm meeting my uncle to discuss with him my planning for my degree this Sunday.
I hate depending on people for advice or rather, I hate depending on people. But my mother insists on it, so I'll play along. It might turn out for the better after all; perhaps it'll light up the right path I should take.
2.03am...
29/2/2012, 12am.
Leap year! Once in every 4 years! And so this post shall be.
And again, I shall begin the post with a music video that describes what I want to post about.
This touching rings of a dream, but with it, comes bravery, hope, light in the darkness, belief that there will be a better day.
I was indecisive (yet again) about my decision to apply to Uni or not. Yes I knew I had to, but I wasn't sure if I'd be able to cope with it.
I was reading through the first chapter of my psychology textbook, and yes it was enticing to continue reading, but I was just wholly doubtful that I'd be able to submit a white paper upon 3 weeks of entering the course.
So naturally, I reconsidered my original option. Work first, study next year. True it'd put me back a few months behind my peers, but none of them were studying psychology anyway, so it wasn't a concern. It just meant that I'd be a few months (and probably a whole year too) behind them in terms of money and work experience.
Problems, as they usually do, were solved by themselves without my intervention, and so it was solved. In March.
I can't sleep! And I can only blame the Caramel Frappucino that I bought earlier! No it's not my fault it's the coffee blame it all on the coffee.
This is IU's song, Last Fantasy. Her whole album revolves around the fact that she's a young person about to enter her adulthood, and that this is her "last fantasy" before she enters the real world.
The song starts off with the sound of hope and a tinge of uncertainty, before waxing into it's fully fledged lyrics. It finally evolves into a trumpet fanfare and a glorious ending. This song evokes the feeling of hope, fears and uncertainty in me. Am I doing what's right? Am I going on a path of self destruction? Does the future look brilliant from a distance, but desolate and dystopian up close?
Right now, I feel like I have several roads in front of me. I have 4km (months) left to walk and decide which road I have to take.
My mother has her worries that my bad temper will stop me from being a good counsellor/psychologist next time. She might as well worry that my bad temper prevents me from doing anything good at all. But it does make me reflect again. I've been abusing my self perceived role as a "leader amongst the other drivers" and scolding people whenever I feel like it. I detested a fellow campmate for doing this, and in turn, I am sinking down to his level. This cannot continue. I must change.
Well I'm meeting my uncle to discuss with him my planning for my degree this Sunday.
I hate depending on people for advice or rather, I hate depending on people. But my mother insists on it, so I'll play along. It might turn out for the better after all; perhaps it'll light up the right path I should take.
2.03am...
29/2/2012, 12am.
Leap year! Once in every 4 years! And so this post shall be.
And again, I shall begin the post with a music video that describes what I want to post about.
This touching rings of a dream, but with it, comes bravery, hope, light in the darkness, belief that there will be a better day.
I was indecisive (yet again) about my decision to apply to Uni or not. Yes I knew I had to, but I wasn't sure if I'd be able to cope with it.
I was reading through the first chapter of my psychology textbook, and yes it was enticing to continue reading, but I was just wholly doubtful that I'd be able to submit a white paper upon 3 weeks of entering the course.
So naturally, I reconsidered my original option. Work first, study next year. True it'd put me back a few months behind my peers, but none of them were studying psychology anyway, so it wasn't a concern. It just meant that I'd be a few months (and probably a whole year too) behind them in terms of money and work experience.
Problems, as they usually do, were solved by themselves without my intervention, and so it was solved. In March.
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